My definition of a friend

Trees have always fascinated me: In the summer, the branches are filled with leaves, even producing flowers and fruits. Then during fall, they change colors and begin to shed their leaves, until winter when all the leaves are gone and they are bare. Finally, spring comes again and the leaves begin to grow again.

I suppose this should help me recognize that, naturally, things are always changing, but I suppose this has always been extremely difficult to me when it comes to friendships, even within my family. I have had many "summers" with friends where we would turn to one another and listen to each other through different problems and do silly things with each other, but then we begin to drift away. There are few people in my life that I consider my friend. Here is my definition of what a friend is: A friend is someone who has seen your strengths and your weaknesses and still accepts you for who you are. A friend is someone who is there for you when you need them and you want to be there for them as well. You may have frustrations or fights with this person, but they only bring you closer together. You help each other achieve their potential. You are able to fully trust them because you believe they will always be there for you.

I am not saying that I am the best friend in the world, but I am tired that the moment I give up on holding onto a friendship, it dies. Sometimes I get tired of being the one reaching out and putting myself out there because I just want to know that someone is thinking of me or would even like to understand what I am going through, but very seldom have I seen that happen.

I love marriage, because you really do always have that one person who is there for you, and you both continue to grow and improve with one another. If I never have anyone else, I am at least glad that I have my husband, the best person that I could have, but I do not want to be one of those people who pushes others away because I am married; yet, this is difficult to do because the moment I am not around someone constantly anymore, I feel I am no longer in a person's life.

While I recognize I have many battles to overcome within myself, to improve my interaction with others around me, to become more social, and to have a lot more self-confidence within myself, true friendship doesn't just die if someone struggles with something. True friendship shouldn't die because someone moves or because something changes.

I love going back through facebook and looking at pictures of people who have always touched me and influenced my life in a positive way. I wish I could just call them up and pick up where we left off, but unfortunately, that's not the way it works and I am tired of always making new friends because I can't keep any of the friends I've had.

I guess I just get frustrated because so much of my life has been to be there for other people when they need me the most, and to help improve their lives. I would be so unhappy if I didn't have the opportunity to do this anymore, but the moments when my cup is not full, I sometimes wish I had a group of people I could turn to for comfort, knowing that they could really accept me for who I am and I didn't always have to be the strong one- or even insulted for my weaknesses or mistakes I made or believed I made. Instead, I write out my fears and my worries- to get it out of my system and go forward with a smile again because I need to be the strong person. I am not depressed, I just wish things could be different.