What I learned when I turned 23

When I was a child, I used to look to people in their twenties and see them as so old, so beautiful, and so mature. As I hit another mile marker in those twenties, I realize that while some of my schemas from childhood are accurate, very few of them are. Everything changes when you get older and the battle of holding onto your childhood ambitions and changing into the person you should and would like to become sometimes becomes extremely overwhelming.

I believed that once I overcame my Freshman year of college, I would be a responsible adult and I would have my life put together. In many cases, this is correct, but in most cases- especially emotionally- this is not anywhere near accurate. The thing I have learned in life is that the challenges you struggle with when you were a child do not dissipate when you move somewhere else and become surrounded by people who love you for who you are. You find a way of dealing with those challenges a level at a time for the rest of your life. At every phase of your life, you see struggles and frustrations with who you are and just wish you could be a better person.

As a child, I used to look to people who did not get excited about their birthdays and think they were fuddy duddies. In many instances, they can be, but seeing as I wasn’t as excited about my birthday this year, I began to contemplate why this was the case.

When you are a child, you are able to see the beauty in the world. An airplane that jets across the sky is one of the most exhilarating experiences because you have not yet learned to focus on the more important noises. As a child, when you hear your family eating downstairs and laughing together, you want to JUMP out of bed and spend times with them. As a child, you are not worried about how much people care about you are how well people treat you: you just know what you want and you are able to, at least some point, forgive people because you can’t really see all of the bad in them.

As we gain more experience, understand evil a little bit more, and develop knowledge, many of these child-like attributes become lost and are replaced with self-criticizing and self-destructive thoughts and acts.

Maturing and becoming the responsible adult I should become is a struggle because maintaining these attributes are very difficult- especially when it seems as though there are so many expectations of what a successful and responsible adult should be like.

However, the one thing I have learned that I didn’t know as a child, came to my understanding this morning. I realized that as we become older, we focus more on ourselves. A lot of our happiness and joy leaves. We get burned out at work, we enter into depression, we put the blame on everyone else, and we feel so lonely. It is a vicious cycle. We no longer have the urges to jump out of bed and to see the things around us.

“What can I do to have this back again?“ I pleaded with myself. I recognized that what we can do is wake up each morning for someone else. There is no need to worry about how well we accomplish something. There is no need to fear how what we say affects someone else. When we wake up thinking of how we can touch another individual, when we think about how what we do can improve the quality of someone else’s life, we have a greater desire to jump out of bed- not for ourselves, but for someone else.

I recognize that as a child, I didn’t understand that many of those people who were older than me who didn’t get excited for their birthday were oftentimes humble, beautiful people who truly understood that joy does not come from focusing on themselves. The greatest happiness comes from getting to know other people and genuinely love and serve them.

So today as the first day of a new year of my life, I would like to celebrate this change and development in my life. A shift of focus from myself to you. A change from self-consciousness to a you-consiousness. I would love to develop a greater since of confidence, enthusiasm, and hope. I would like to abandon all of my fears and open up to people so I can grow closer to them.

J Life is so wonderful. I am so grateful for another day and another year to live. 

Whatever You Do, Don't Look Down!

I went on a hike with one of my very good friends. Occasionally, he would stop and tell me that he was trying to work on not just going to the destination, but stopping along the way to enjoy the journey. Every time we stopped, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful everything around me was. We went to the top where we could see the continental divide and you could hear the rush of the water with no other sounds. You could see for miles upon miles. I was amazed with how beautiful everything was. Towards the end, I was becoming a bit exhausted with all the steep climbing we were doing. As I was thinking about my exhaustion, I noticed that I had been concentrating so hard on what I was doing, I had not been enjoying the experience as much while I was walking- I liked it more as I stopped. The previous hours were evidence that I was going much slower than my friend, but it finally hit me why I was going so much slower. My realization provided to me a visual representation of what I have been trying to work on lately:

Going up the mountain, I was slow and methodical to make sure I would not slip and fall. I needed to know where every rock was, where I should put my foot, how I should balance myself, and where I should put my hand. Though I was not constantly thinking "What if I fall?!," the entire time, I was constantly thinking about what I should be doing so I would not fall. Though I am sure much of that comes from how infrequently I have the opportunity to hike terrain like that, I realized that I did NOT have to look down the entire time. I talked with my friend a lot, but I did not look at him as frequently as I would have liked. 

Going down the mountain, I was so afraid about rolling down the mountain, I was using way more work than I needed. That is usually the enjoyable part, but instead I was constantly worrying about slipping. I realized that even if I did slip, I would laugh about it and move on. The fear OF falling made it so my experience was a little bit with-held.

Though is seems contradictory, our lives become so much more difficult when we over-think what we are doing. We slow ourselves down by making sure each step is perfect. It is as we learn to trust ourselves and God that we realize we are able to climb these boulders and we are able to know where to put our feet.

Perfectionism can be a horrible creature. It can be wonderful to motivate us to never stop trying and to remind us of who we have the potential to be: but it blinds us from the beauties that surround us right now. 

I am determined to take the courage to fall a little more often so that I can get everything out of this experience that I need to get out of this experience. We don't want to fill our lives with stupid mistakes that can be prevented; however, we should take courage in each step and not become so consumed in the dirt and the rocks when we have all this majesty around us.

New Beginnings

I personally am excited that everyone believes this could be the last year that we are living because it gives us the opportunity to think: If this really is my last year of living, how would I like to live it?

We have commenced a new year thus we are filled with anticipation and excitement to start over again, to look at what we have done wrong and to try and start anew. It brings me so much enthusiasm and excitement as I look around and see so many people who are truly excited and motivated. However, it saddens me when the enthusiasm dies out.

As I have been thinking about this concept of new beginnings, I began to have a small epiphany. It began with the thought of: What if we could have this motivation to change every day so that we do not give up in the middle of the year. I then recognized: I bet more people are contemplating what is most important to them this year because this has been the long and anticipated 2012! Really though, we have no idea when our last breath will be. We have no idea who the last person we talk to will be. We have no idea what will be the last words out of our mouth or the last thought we will think. We will have no idea if we will leave a legacy and touch other people after our death.

What if we were to wake up every day and set a goal just for that day as though it was the first day of the new year: setting goals for what we would accomplish THAT day. What if we were to sit and think about the legacy we would like to leave behind and what value we have with our name. I don't think we completely recognize the significance of how important it is that we have one more breath and one more day to live.

We have heard the song and the concept to live like you were dying, but instead I challenge you to consider to see each day as new years: to look at the past and appreciate it, but to make goals and work to become who you want to become. To live each day finding the joy and beauty because you are you.