What I learned when I turned 23

When I was a child, I used to look to people in their twenties and see them as so old, so beautiful, and so mature. As I hit another mile marker in those twenties, I realize that while some of my schemas from childhood are accurate, very few of them are. Everything changes when you get older and the battle of holding onto your childhood ambitions and changing into the person you should and would like to become sometimes becomes extremely overwhelming.

I believed that once I overcame my Freshman year of college, I would be a responsible adult and I would have my life put together. In many cases, this is correct, but in most cases- especially emotionally- this is not anywhere near accurate. The thing I have learned in life is that the challenges you struggle with when you were a child do not dissipate when you move somewhere else and become surrounded by people who love you for who you are. You find a way of dealing with those challenges a level at a time for the rest of your life. At every phase of your life, you see struggles and frustrations with who you are and just wish you could be a better person.

As a child, I used to look to people who did not get excited about their birthdays and think they were fuddy duddies. In many instances, they can be, but seeing as I wasn’t as excited about my birthday this year, I began to contemplate why this was the case.

When you are a child, you are able to see the beauty in the world. An airplane that jets across the sky is one of the most exhilarating experiences because you have not yet learned to focus on the more important noises. As a child, when you hear your family eating downstairs and laughing together, you want to JUMP out of bed and spend times with them. As a child, you are not worried about how much people care about you are how well people treat you: you just know what you want and you are able to, at least some point, forgive people because you can’t really see all of the bad in them.

As we gain more experience, understand evil a little bit more, and develop knowledge, many of these child-like attributes become lost and are replaced with self-criticizing and self-destructive thoughts and acts.

Maturing and becoming the responsible adult I should become is a struggle because maintaining these attributes are very difficult- especially when it seems as though there are so many expectations of what a successful and responsible adult should be like.

However, the one thing I have learned that I didn’t know as a child, came to my understanding this morning. I realized that as we become older, we focus more on ourselves. A lot of our happiness and joy leaves. We get burned out at work, we enter into depression, we put the blame on everyone else, and we feel so lonely. It is a vicious cycle. We no longer have the urges to jump out of bed and to see the things around us.

“What can I do to have this back again?“ I pleaded with myself. I recognized that what we can do is wake up each morning for someone else. There is no need to worry about how well we accomplish something. There is no need to fear how what we say affects someone else. When we wake up thinking of how we can touch another individual, when we think about how what we do can improve the quality of someone else’s life, we have a greater desire to jump out of bed- not for ourselves, but for someone else.

I recognize that as a child, I didn’t understand that many of those people who were older than me who didn’t get excited for their birthday were oftentimes humble, beautiful people who truly understood that joy does not come from focusing on themselves. The greatest happiness comes from getting to know other people and genuinely love and serve them.

So today as the first day of a new year of my life, I would like to celebrate this change and development in my life. A shift of focus from myself to you. A change from self-consciousness to a you-consiousness. I would love to develop a greater since of confidence, enthusiasm, and hope. I would like to abandon all of my fears and open up to people so I can grow closer to them.

J Life is so wonderful. I am so grateful for another day and another year to live.